Oneness

Artwork by Phaylen Yellow Robe

I am now a 24 yr old Native American from the pits of Montana. I grew up in a town not of any where on the map, busby, Mt is my Hometown. Growing up I never knew any other place existed because that’s what I was led to believe. Living in such a small place I did what I could to get around, to get by. Alcohol & drugs were the main thing going around, the only thing at the time to help people escape the harsh truth of where we lived. I’ve done many things I’m not proud of. I didn’t know my mom or dad at all. My grandparents had led me to believe that they were my only real parents. Truth be told I’d rather believe that lie. At the age of 10 I first met my mom, first gained knowledge that my dad would not be in the picture. She took me away to a far city where I rebelled every chance I got. Endless arguments & battles with my mom’s alcoholism led me to stay outside more than inside. I’d rather survive on the streets than come home and have to survive the harsh reality of what was left of my mom.

All of which led me to foster hones, group homes, & other holding places. This all happened at the age of 14. Being thrust into a whole new world I rebelled. Thinking this was the right thing to do. I was mad at everyone, at myself for having let me get thier. I didn’t think I could accomplish anything more than the stereotypes on Native Americans just another drunk Indian. It was because of this reason I was placed in alcoholics anonymous. Eventually I just sat & listened, never caring, never bothering to be open minded. Until one day we needed a poster & all of us were given the opportunity to create such a thing. It became a contest for us all. I’ve never been someone to give it my all when it came to things like this. However I felt almost compelled to stay up all night & try to really capture the good & bad of my mom. I hated her, but I also loved her. She inspired me to create a drawing that portrayed the positive & negatives of alcohol. Two weeks later to my surprise I actually won. It felt good. To hear someone congratulate me. If only my mom knew about this.

Nonetheless it was that moment that sparked a seed inside me to start drawing. I spoke of my fascination with my doc worker. She helped me by giving me little art books for Christmas. I spent all my rage against my art. Channeling my rage & hate towards patience & attention. It gave me something to be proud of. It gave me hope that maybe one day I didn’t have to be just another statistic.

It was age the age of of 14 I started drawing. I kept that passion for art inside me all the way until the present day. It gave me something to strive for. Gave me something to do besides going out & getting drunk. For years I’ve been told that I should do something with my art. For years I thought that it wasn’t possible. I am 24 yrs old now,3 years ago I met the most amazing person whom as of a year ago I’ve come to call my wife. She inspires me to create new art everyday. She planted the seed in my mind that maybe I could be something more than just a self taught artist.

Lastly I saw this video on Drawing Academy about free art lessons. I came to the site & looked it over. This is what I’ve been waiting for. I immediately thought of signing up. Learning the basic fundamentals of art & being able to work towards the path of mastering my talent is a dream of mine. I know I cannot master everything, that’s the beauty of it. I don’t ever want it to stop. I want to learn as much as I’m allowed. As much as I can. Testing my ability as a person who can take something that people wouldn’t normally stop to take a look at & being able to see the beauty in everything. That’s how I choose to live life now. By seeing the positive in negatives. My life wasn’t so positive but I was able to turn into something beautiful.

Today I still draw everyday. Trying to learn, trying to inspire. Why do I think i should win. Well I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe i was led here. For this reason I will keep on going through life seeing the beauty in everything. Sharing that beauty with others through my art. Inspiring others to look at the world around them & to appreciate this thing we call life. I don’t deserve this any more or less than anyone, the one thing that sets me apart from most people is this is what I feel I was meant to do. So will you help me take on the next part of my journey. I’ll take you along with through my art.

I think it is an amazing opportunity that everyone should be allowed to experience.

I want to see what lies ahead in my life for the world of art.

I'm determined. This is what has kept me sane my entire life. It's my escape. I'm loving. I want to change the world through art. I want to draw thing that inspire people to see the beauty in places they normally wouldn't.

I thank everyone for taking the time to read this.

Thanks again,
Phaylen Yellow Robe